Sorry Mom!

Didn't mean to make you mad...

Especially since I might be living with you soon.

Let me explain - part of what I have to do when being on a "diet" is examine what makes me eat.  Its not boredom.  Its not hunger.  Its not even the overwhelming desire to get a seat-belt extender on an airplane - its that at the end of the day I am totally stressed out and don't care - about anything.  My heath, my life, my cat, my barbies, Fish Wrangler - ANYTHING.  So I figure - fuck it - might as well just eat what I want cause everything sucks anyways (this is usally the time that my brain TOTALLY forgets all of the sacrifices and hard work I have done over the past 2 weeks and reverse all the progress in one day by eating a pint of ice cream, 2 brownies, turkey sandwich, hot dog, chex mix, Reese's Stix and maybe a Kit Kat IN ONE SITTING!)

Who does that?  Seriously, I feel like I am going to explode and have heart-burn all night - but while I am shoveling food in my face, it is a forgotten fact.

Anyhow, my point, if stress and work are my "triggers", then how can I fix that?  Answer?  I have a meeting in about 1 hour to try and get the resources I have needed for over 1 year.  If I cannot get what I need, then I will seriously look at other options for my life, because I refuse to continue in a job that is killing me.

Now, don't get all excited, I'm not going to quit today, but if my job cannot make the same committment to me as I am making to them, then I will seriously focus on other options and work very hard to execute a career strategy that does not stress me out so I have to take 2 Xanax to fall asleep.

I'm sure that living with my parents at 35 will help reduce my stress - HA!

Hope to have good news tomorrow.

Whatever!

Way to support Mom!

I know - I'm such a loser - I get hungry and its LITERALLY like I can't get food fast enough and I can't stop eating.  And this is NOT an excuse or lie - when I get like this, I totally forget all the reasons and tricks to keep me from eating.  Then, when I'm done eating, I remember - "oh, I should have waited 30 minutes, then given myself the treat if I still wanted it" or "Remember how hard you worked out and how you sacrificed, don't ruin it"

I remember these things about 5 minutes after I'm done eating, and unless I want to go bulemic, I just sit there berating myself.

Sorry - this one's whiny....its just hard when my own brain seems to be working against me

GRRRRRRR!!!!!!

I'm working out, being good and GAINED 3 lbs.  What's up with that????  My trainer keeps telling me its because I'm gaining muscle but this SUCKS!

My Head hurts!

And its days like this that are hard to stick to the diet.  But - I'm a wash even after all my bad eating - which is good.  BUT - I keep thinking how much MORE I could have lost if I had just stuck to it.

So I am going to stick to it like GLUE!

My ring fits!

That's right, I had gotten so fat that my grandmother's ring stopped fitting - but I can get it on again!

Slow, but visible and signifigant progress!

Thanks for the kick in the ass

One Day down

A billion to go.  When does this "lifestyle" change kick in?

I still suck

Back on Track!

Work keeps on trying to get me to travel, but I NEED to stay here and focus!!!

Either that for find a sugar daddy.  But how am I supposed to do that if I'm fat?

Vicious, vicious cycle...

Back on Track!

Work keeps on trying to get me to travel, but I NEED to stay here and focus!!!

Either that for find a sugar daddy.  But how am I supposed to do that if I'm fat?

Vicious, vicious cycle...

Since nobody has...

Kicked my large ass into gear, I'm still fucked.

What is my Problem????

I try so hard in Rome, and then come back here and am so tired I eff it all up!!!

I need someone to kick my large ass into gear!

Inspiration

My new friend Nancy (props to Craig for the intro) sent this to me and it is AWESOME!

2006 Disclaimer: This is not smug lecturing or advice or a dietary Sermon on the Mount. It's just a wee list of lessons learned over the last five years. And so many of em took almost all that time to learn. I'm a bit slow.


Disclaimer Update 2010: Yep. Still learnin'!

• Laugh at yourself. Especially when you screw things up!

• Don't compare your progress to other bloggers, instead be inspired by them (ie. steal their ideas!)

• Try to reduce the self-loathing. I'm not saying you have to look in the mirror and chant, "YOU ARE A WINNER!", but it really doesn't help to stand around yelling at your thighs.

• Remember that the weight loss industry exists to make money, whether it's Weight Watchers or Slimming Magazine or the CSIRO or Dr Gillian McKeith. Even though they all help in their own ways, they don't have all the answers and they really want you to buy the Choco Crisp Bars or send away for the Pilates DVD. Take bits and pieces from what they tell you and clobber it together to make your own way of doing things. Don't let anything be a substitute for thinking for yourself.

• Don't put things off until you Get Skinny. Try something crazy and new. If you fail, just don't blog about it!

• Deal with The Past.

• Look at the Big Picture or look at the Little Picture. Whichever is easiest to stomach at the time!

• Don't disappear up your own arse. Losing weight seems to bring a lot of introspection and lightbulb moments, but don't let this journey take over your life.

• Accept that you are moody, inconsistent and full of contradictions. What worked for you yesterday may shit you to tears tomorrow, and for no reasonable reason!

• Never eat lentils before you do squats or lunges.

• Just because you think everything is about your weight, don't assume everyone else sees it that way. Often other people are much better at seeing past your fat than you are.

• Just because you lose weight doesn't mean your old fears and problems will disappear. Example: If you were scared of rollercoasters when you were 350lb you may still shit your pants at the thought of them 160 pounds later!

• Fage Total Yogurt is the best thing to come out of Greece since Plato.

• Things won't change overnight. It takes time, trial and error to forge a healthy lifestyle and figure out what works for you. The difficulty of this task increases by tenfold increments depending on how many times per week you used to visit McDonalds Drive Thru.

• Don't let the fear of loose skin, belly rolls or flabby arms stop you. Do you think Oprah worried about her bingo wings? No. She just flap-flap-flapped and flew away to world domination!

• If you're still worried about your flabby arms, move to Scotland. You can get away with long sleeves for about 364 days a year.

• Even when you royally screw up – over and over and over again – you can pick yourself up again. As long you never stop believing you will get there in the end.

It was Hard!!!

The longer I stayed, to stay on the diet.  We did (however) walk EVERYWHERE!!!  But I'd be lying if I said I stuck to the diet.  That being said, I weighed myself and it APPEARS to be a wash, but we won't really know until next week.

But, I'm now back, have no travel planned for over a month and its time to shine!

When in Rome...

Eat cold Jenny Craig food.  That's right, I packed the food and had cold, pre-packaged Pasta Primavera last night.  Lunch today is a cold Chicken corn chowdar.

The 2 things that keep me motivated:  1.  Saving money; 2.  My bag was 50 lbs and I'm NOT bringing the food back!

Forgot to tell you all - FINALLY lost 10lbs!!!

When in Rome...

Eat cold Jenny Craig food.  That's right, I packed the food and had cold, pre-packaged Pasta Primavera last night.  Lunch today is a cold Chicken corn chowdar.

The 2 things that keep me motivated:  1.  Saving money; 2.  My bag was 50 lbs and I'm NOT bringing the food back!

It catches up with you...

So I eat cold food in SAT trying to lose weight, eat like crap over the weekend and am happy cause I STILL lost weight.

Until yesterday...despite being good all week, it caught up with me.

Like Mike Myers.

No need to worry - everything's good

I got upgrade to Rome!  Yay!  Sadly these are things I worry about.  I am going to bring my Jenny food and eat it cold like I did in San Antonio (cold Chicken Noodle soup - NOT good!).  Hopefully that will keep me away from the pizza, pasta, and other awesome Roman food!

Surprise!

So even after falling off the wagon this weekend, I still most some weight!

That helps keep me motivated!

Now, how I'll stay good in Italy is another question...

No New Tale to Tell

So I had a BAD weekend - felt like crap and used it as an excuse to eat.  In fact, thought I'd lay out all of my various excuses to eat badly:

Had a bad day
Had a good day
Feel Sick
Feel Fat
Feel skinny
Traveling
Haven't seen that ice cream flavor before
tired


Pretty much ANYTHING can be turned into an excuse to eat - so no more excuses!

My Mouth Hurts!

Had five cavities filed today - even if I wanted to eat I couldn't!!!